my cats are trying to kill me

I don't know why it's only just now occurring to me. Maybe it's because of being home enough to notice that my cats have it in for me. Yes. At first it was just Pinky, who tried venipuncture at every opportunity, slashing at my wrists and ankles when within clawing distance. Then, a more subtle approach was used: spewing dander-charged puffs of fur within range of my nose or mouth, a tactic most successful while I'm asleep. This resulted in a protracted upper respiratory illness, but it was not enough to induce death. Now it appears a psychological tack is being taken, much like the old French movie, Les Diabolique, using their physicality to induce stress. For example, yesterday when I let them out to "romp" in the garden so I could clean up the apt a bit one of them snuck back in while I was cleaning the litterbox, which took about 2 minutes but was enough time for him to take an enormous dump in the spot the litterbox usually is. I don't get it--he was just outside in the garden--the greatest litterbox in the hood, if you take other cats' word for it..... Yup, they're trying to wear me down.